He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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