I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
