The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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