Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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