I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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