After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
