Tell her she can't have a vagina
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
