I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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