erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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