I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
