I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
