So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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