The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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