Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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