What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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