I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
