No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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