I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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