physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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