If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
