I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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