I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
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The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
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I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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