i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
