I'm jealous of your bromance
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
