You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
