the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
