In the future we'll all be gay
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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