thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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