making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
