you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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