Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
