dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
