my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
