Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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