it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
