just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
