Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
