You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
