just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
