my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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