I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
