How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
