found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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