every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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