Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
