yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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