Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize