My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
