You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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