My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
