i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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