So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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