Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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