i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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