Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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