but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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