Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
