Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
