I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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