Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
