What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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