i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
