i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
