Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
did you just send me my own nude
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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