Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
