One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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