discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
