matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
