dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
