Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Randomize
