so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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