just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
