The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
