Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
